Personal Stories

Jessica Lynn Bazick

   I had just begun my 27th week of pregnancy on January 26th 2000. It was another busy day for me. At the end of the day, I crawled into bed and lay there with excitement (as I always did during my pregnancy) to feel my baby daughters kicks, bunches, and turns. The night time was truly my favorite time to be pregnant. It was my time to rest and her time to do jumping jacks.
   However, on this night things were different. As I lay there I quickly noticed a decrease in fetal movement. I went to the hospital that night. I had an ultrasound and a fetal nonstress test. I was assured that my baby girl had passed them both.
   The next day I called my OB/GYN to inform them of the night before and to schedule a follow-up appointment with my doctor. Soon, I lay on an examining table in a quiet, dark room while my doctor started the ultrasound. Not too long into the process, he gently reached for my hand and said, "Michelle, I am very concerned, I am not seeing a heartbeat." The only thing I was capable of doing at that moment was to sob uncontrollably and to yell, "No!" repeatedly. Her death was the result of an umbilical cord accident.
   The next day and I was being prepped to induce labor. Jessica was delivered January 29th 2000 at 11:10 am. My husband chose the name Jessica because its meaning in Hebrew is "God Exists".
Together we studied her tiny face and body. I was amazed at her deep red lips, blond hair and long fingers and toes. She looked like a sleeping angel.
   Over the next few weeks, I recovered from delivery and my milk production dried up. However, my entire being was still craving for a baby. A baby to hold, nurse, and caress. Those were such dark times for me. The only comfort that I had was the belief I would see Jessica again in heaven. For eternity we will be together never to be separated, because I know that there is truth in the Hebrew meaning of Jessica. Yes! "God Exist".
   Please accept this gift basket as an expression of how sorry I am for your loss and a small way to show honor to your precious child's life.

   With love, Michelle Bazick

William Edward Golding

   On September 23rd, 2000, our third son, William Edward was born into this world. He weighed a healthy 8 pounds 11 ounces and was five days later than his due date. My pregnancy had gone well. No problems had been detected and I had passed the "bio-physical" ultrasound given to me the day before delivery. We were expecting a healthy child, but upon delivery, Will was whisked away to the Special Care Nursery and diagnosed with Anencephaly. (a neural tube defect) our doctor team had the heartbreaking task of informing us, Will would not live long. He took his last breath in our arms 16 hours later.
   I'd like to share with you, this entry from my journal which is dedicated to him.
   Dearest William,
     Even though you'll never have the chance to read these words, I cannot hold them inside. You were and are so precious to us and always will be. Even though you were only with us 16 short hours, your life was so sweet and precious. We loved you so much and wanted so much for you to come home with us. You will forever be in our hearts and minds. I'll constantly be wondering what you'd be like… just you, who God made you. I want so much to rejoice for you are in heaven, but I am so weak with sadness for you are not in my arms. You are complete now and with Jesus. I know you are happy and would not want us to be sad. You are my little Will, so perfect and so complete in Jesus now.
     I cannot and will not understand why this happened. I want you here with me. Take away all the sympathy, the cards, the flowers, the prayers, just give me you back! I feel as if we are in a bad dream. This is not real and cannot be happening to us. William, I miss you, I want to hug you, to nurse you, love you, and kiss you. I didn't get enough time with you. I didn't get to hold you enough or to see you enough. All I have are memories and those are not enough. I miss you incredibly and want you my baby.
     Love, Mommy
     Thank you for allowing us to share with you during this heartbreaking time. We know the loss of your child brings unbearable pain. We pray that in time, and with God's help, you will have hearts of hope too.

    Kitty Golding